S T Alkers guide to Seto Kaiba
by cherry-star-aus
Summary: This is a journalled stalking of seto Kaiba from a secret person, who is oblivious to the truth of the actuality of the matter. no couples yet...none out of S.T.Alkers imagination. Yaoi
1. Chapter 1

Okay this is a story I was just thinking up right now and it is yaoi….maybe…kinda is kinda isn't, it secretly is.

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"Okay, my name at this time can't be revealed but this is my video diary of my project on Seto Kaiba where you will only know me as S.T. Alker, this is what I have on him so far."

Name: Seto Kaiba

Age: 18

Gender: Hottie hot male…

His Daily Routine: gets up and gets dressed in those fabulous tight black tops and eats his oh so healthy breakfast before he works out as he does work for his hugely massive company, in his totally awesome mansion…(I will live there someday)

When he gets to school he goes to his locker number SXC-ASS which we are so working on decoding to get into and see his stuff and who he loves totally with his heart. (We all know who it is going to be)

His first class is history; he is studying japans change from feudalism into a modern nation. He writes a lot in columns, like the log we are supposed to do in this class but who actually works?

Second class is English, which he seems to be silent yet always pissed off with the teacher who rambles of nothing al the time he is so adorable when he does the thing where he jus scribbles blocking her out as he writes something. There is a S.K 4…I don't know what else I haven't got a good look and well he usually scribbles it out with permanent marker. He shouldn't have to hide our love.

Recess

He eats, he goes to the canteen and sometimes talks he gets a cookie every time and water, man Id love to see that over the highly worked on body.

Media…I can't believe they kicked me from that class….

Study Directive study…he is doing his work all the time, thinking of me… obviously, due to our intimate relationship.

Lunch….he eats, gets a paddle pop, rainbow, I'd just love to get him on a hot day, get the hose and….this is off subject….but he is so hot and my man. Muck up day is Friday…he will be there with jelly pool, water balloons….oh my god I need to stop this is way too hot for me.

I have to go for now someone is getting hair advice from him, he knows a lot about that, Seren….S.T.Alker out.


	2. Chapter 2

**Okay no reviews but I am having bulk fun watching…I mean writing this…please review

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"Welcome to the next instalment of my video journal in recording, everything I can about my man to be, Seto Kaiba, I am S.T.Alker and I am going to know what I need to be exactly to be the perfect woman for my man, so there will be no denial of our love, I have recruited two accomplices, good friends of mine who are also under aliases. The first being U.R.Devil who if you note him spying, is the black haired one and the second one with the one spike is P.A.Theticke, they do not have the real reason behind this…they are doing the man work in this project. S. T. Alker out!"

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"They got into his locker, today we are going to see exactly what is in it. I have waited oh so long to do this…"

(View goes over to Seto Kaiba's locker inside it scanning the interior a few things being held and picked up touched, moved...)

"What's going on here" a teacher yelled and ran to them ad the camera moved to the floor as they ran away.

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"We had a close call but we have the info we need, I am now going to do a voice over on the interior of the locker video. Test…test…okay its working….now I switch to the video and there t is, our high lords oh so great divine temple, ok we see the basic outlay, nothing out of the ordinary, we see a pack of condoms, every guy has them in their locker, wait what's this, an empty one, no…how can this be he was saving himself for me. I can't believe this I am so going to kill……."

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"I lost it for a moment there….so we rewind, to wherever we were…here we are, just past the condom he had been practicing putting on for me. And here we have his books and his file…lets see it has a S.K for well hmm that's either an S or a J and then a W…my initials…S.W. I knew he loved me, Joey will so be cringing he said he didn't like me!"

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"Back again, so here we see images on the locker walls, and some text. There is this diet, 'tastes good, and is good for you…' I think I have seen it before, I need to look into that…there is a picture of some designer clothes, they seem to be arranged, he likes fashion, and by the looks of it with the designer names, like Dolce & Gabbana. He could afford them too. And hello there is something here, drawings of, maybe he'd like to design clothes…there is a pic of a guy here, damn he is good at art…he can draw nice pants alright, there are some Ricky Martin, Matt Damon, Madonna and Cher….he loves diva women….I have come across a great founding, I know what to shop for! S. T. Alker out!" 


	3. Chapter 3

**Thankyou for the review I appreciate it a whole lot and so here it is.

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"Welcome to my third official entry to S.T.Alkers video diary, I am as you should know on top of the world because my man really loves me, and my brother said I was just crushing on him. It is so much more than that."

"Good luck has been bestowed upon me for some great twist of fate has done me the greatest honour of all time. Seto Kaiba is going to be at my house…overnight!" –Serenity screams and jumps around- "So anyway there is some bad news. He is here to do a project with my brother."

"I will be doing an hour by hour video diary of the events that occur in the house as he is in here." –Serenity gets all giddy and bounces around camera falls to the ground-

"Ren, you are mad...Joey get out of my room!... Hey you got to stop stalking Kaiba. I am not stalking him."

"It is 1700 hours and Seto Kaiba is due to be here …here he is coming through the driveway now to go up the apartment…he is actually here."

"1725 hours, Seto Kaiba gave me his coat and I have checked the pockets which were empty, I am now going to start cooking for him, as he will be eating with me and Joey. We have distracted our father for tonight, he is downtown at a strip club he somehow came across a bit of money that should last till tomorrow at the minimum."

"1825 hours, Seto Kaiba complimented me on my cooking. I knew he'd love a beef fillet. He also noted my redone hair and my product. He knows what's coming for him. He and Joey are in the lounge getting ready to do more of their project work."

"1845 Hours, Joey and Seto did their project work in the lounge and now are going to redecorate Joey's room. He seems to have a knack for that since he came our living room has been feng shui-ified or however you say it…"

"1900 Hours, My camera is running out of batteries so I will be telling all else tomorrow. S.T Alker out"


	4. Chapter 4

"S. T. ALKER back on here with a continued part of my video diaries of getting married to Seto Kaiba. As you may remember my man was sleeping over for a project with my brother…" she turns blinked and smirks. "He is sleeping in one of the rooms, either Joeys or the lounge. I am so spiked out right now…"

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"I went downstairs and he was awake sitting downstairs without a shirt on and said, "hey…Serenity" yeah I know he spoke to me, I can visualise me in the future where our kids ask when did you first speak, I know we spoke before when I was recovering from my blindness but that didn't count this is the moment of my life! The one I will never forget, who's that, Oh Kaiba what is it?"

"Do you have any moisturiser, I forgot mine, left it at home…can you believe it Joey doesn't actually have any….none that I could find in his room anyway"

"Sure, I'll just go get it…"

"…"

"…"

"A video camera" Kaiba walks up to the camera. "Hi, the names Kaiba, Seto Kaiba, hope I aint ruining this movie"

"Back"

"Thanks, I wont waste it, promise…how long does Joey usually sleep anyway?"

"You could do anything he doesn't like if it's early he sleeps till at least 10, so you could do anything without him noticing and I doubt our dad will be back anytime soon till at least 12."

"Thanks…I think I have to do this one thing Serenity…before I go…after I moisturise….If he sleeps through it tell him I left…"

"…oh yeah, whatever you say sir"

"I have to go do this now…bye"

"…. … … … … Oh my god he was in here, I'll have to change what he says on my name though…can't let myself get arrested for you know what like the last time with Gackt."

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"Back again, Seto and Joey are going to meet again on Tuesday at the mall; I have to be at Tae Kwon Do ….which is at the mall……a perfect alibi"

"Joey can be so funny you know! He was joking around and said Seto Kaiba was gay! Like they feel for each other, you know my brother just says that. He pretends to be gay just top annoy me and says that's why he and Mai broke up a while ago. It was right after he spent like a week in detention as usual with my man. I bet Joey heard about how Seto loves me and decided he needed to try and split us up because of his jealousy!"

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**(review weiver)**


	5. Chapter 5

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"OH MY GOD OH MY GOD I HATE MY BROTHER FOREVER!"

"I know I look ridiculous but its Armageddon! Thanks to my brother!"

"I can't say it; okay I have to do it for my brothers sake and for all you falling for Seto!"

"Forget it!"

"Seto Kaiba isn't what we hoped he was…No I can't say it!"

"But I must!"

"ST Alker is sorry to announce, I have discovered that Seto Kaiba, is a woman!"

"Yeah I know I heard it myself!"

"it went like this"

"Joey said, 'what do you think yer are Kaiba?"

"He went then ' I thought I was your girlfriend,"

"Can you believe it, someone that hots a chick…does that mean I am a lesbian…maybe there is still hope yet!"

"I will always be wondering about the bulge…"

"Stalker out….I mean……well you knew what it meant!"

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"Good news, Kaiba is no woman!"

"Bad news"

"Seto Kaiba bats for the other team….or more so changes team…as I found out"

"He is seeing my brother…Well I saw him and my brother…..'seeing each other' when I went in to borrow my brother's new pen…"

"It was something no sister wanted to see!"

"Kaiba was hot and they had to explain a lot to me!"

"I am ending this whole thing I cannot take it! "

"He is Gay or Lesbian…not that I have anything against that but, if he is this then we stand no chance, but why my brother?"

"Sorry but this shop is closing and I am going to hang myself now!"

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**Okay that's short but there is no more to go…So give me final reviews unless you read onto my others…**


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